chinese food and bathrooms

you know what you're sitting at your desk at work and you unbutton (*note: not unbutton AND unzip, just unbutton. this is an important point for later.) your pants because it's possible that you ate a little bit too much chinese food the day before and you just need a little break from sucking it in and then you walk around the office, forgetting that you unBUTTONED your pants, with your pants slowly unZIPPING and everyone and their dog staring at your crotch but they can't tell you that your pants are unzipped because they only speak spanish and you only speak english (the least they could do was point), so you just end up walking around the office like that until you go to the bathroom and realize that you had been walking around like that all day because there's nothing for you to unbutton OR unzip? you don't? oh...me either.

well then you probably don't know what if feels like to have to pee so badly that you take matters into your own hands and go into the men's bathroom because someone (we won't name names here) has been in the bathroom for literally 30 minutes doing who knows what and you just can't hold it any longer without it leaking out of you? and then things get even more awkward because not only have you been walking around the office with your pants unbuttoned AND unzipped, but at the exact moment that you see the coast is clear to get the heck out of that stinky man's bathroom, the woman (again, no names here *ahem*) decides to come out of their bathroom (yes, it's their bathroom now because they've been in there for 35 minutes. i mean, really. there's not even any magazines in there!) AT THE EXACT SAME TIME? then she gives you the what-the-heck-is-wrong-with-you-why-are-you-in-the-wrong-gender's-bathroom look (what? you've never gotten that look before)? you don't know what i'm talking about? yeah....me either.

well, at least i can say that i ran 4 miles in 45 minutes without stopping to walk or stretch. you can thank beyonce for that one. i was so determined to have something honorable happen to me yesterday since i had had all of it stripped from me during work.

you know what's even more embarrassing? coming to work the next day. but don't worry, i decided to wear my pants with no zipper or buttons, just to be on the safe side.