for the past year, i have been agonizing whether a mission was the right thing for me. should i go? and if i did, when would i go? am i ready to devote a year and a half solely to serving the lord? would i even be a good missionary? am i ready to make special and sacred covenants in the temple?
i had been praying, fasting and praying some more to get the answer to these questions. i had no answer. at all. nothing. i had always felt good about going on a mission, but i just didn't know if or when i should go. if i should, should i go back to school in the fall and see what happens? i just had no clue. i tried talking to others about it, but no one seemed to understand how i was feeling and no one could give me the straight answer that i needed. last weekend, i prayed and fasted again to know if this was the right decision. still, no answer. nothing at all. i just had so many questions, and not one answer.
going into this weekend, i was excited. i was going to grace's cabin in the heber valley to watch conference with her family in total isolation. this would be the perfect place to find my answer. maybe someone would say something that would help me in my decision. i wasn't counting on it.
when president monson got up to speak, i knew that something was up. as soon as he started talking about the 18 year old missionaries, i knew right away that the age would change for the men, but for the girls? no way. then, it happened. girls can now serve missions at age 19 instead of 21. an answer to a fervent prayer.
my first reaction was utter shock. 19 year old girls are not ready! but wait, this is my answer. heavenly father is telling me, through the mouth of the his prophet, that this is my chance. i can leave now! right now. all this time, heavenly father has been testing my patience, my persistence and my faith. could i handle it? of course i could. i felt an overwhelming feeling of peace and happiness and knew that this was my answer. i began to cry and just felt so happy that i had the knowledge that i had at that time.
i called my parents, and they had the same reaction. i should leave immediately. this was my answer.
am i a little bummed that everyone in the world is going to go now because of this announcement? yes. do i want this to be special revelation just for me? absolutely. but here's the thing: it is revelation for me. in my patriarchal blessing, it tells me that if i am prepared, i will serve a full-time mission. i had never understood that until now. for the past 2-3 months, i have been upping my temple attendance, reading my scriptures for 30 minutes every morning, fasting each fast sunday (sometimes more), and praying daily to feel the spirit in my life. it's been amazing. i've never in my life had such good spiritual habits. i have been feeling the urge to get more out of my life spiritually, and i was doing that each day. i had been preparing myself, unknowingly, to leave on a mission before the end of the year.
i am so grateful for heavenly father's timing. i know that it is through his knowledge that i am where i am today. i know that i am meant to serve a mission at this time and that this revelation was not only given for the entire church, but especially for me, personally. i am beyond excited to serve a mission and bring others to the gospel. i feel that i am ready spiritually, mentally, and emotionally to leave right now. so, i've already called my bishop and set up an appointment. i'll be starting my papers within the next week or so. i am so excited for this new chapter in my life.
i hope that other women in the church take the time to evaluate their worthiness and willingness to serve and not just serve a mission because they feel pressure or because everyone else is doing it. pray to receive your answer, because heavenly father will send it to you; i know that from personal experience.
I appreciate your post. I too am worried that girls are just going to be going. I never felt the desire to serve a mission. Sometimes in the church I am belittled and told I am not as righteous because I chose to get married. What you said is so important. You must pray and know for your self what your path is. You will be a great missionary. Remember to always be supportive of those that choose the marriage path and they will support you.
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